Am I Just Being Selfish?

Is it wrong to want a little more recognition?

I mean, I don’t want to be just another “popular” photographer online…but I’d really like to know that I’m doing a good job. I am on deviantart and HumbleVoice. I have a photography myspace and I’m also on flickr. Every once in a while I’ll post something to JPG Magazine. But I really don’t go around plastering my photography in people’s faces…maybe that’s what it is? But a lot of other photographers don’t seem to need to do that.

Granted, I know I’m not an amazing photographer. There are tons of others with more talent and experience in it…but I do know that there are those who just post a lot of half-nude “myspace” photos who seems to get more attention…and I just don’t think that’s right…for myself or anyone else who is really trying to establish themselves as a photographer.

And I’m not really in the best of towns to do a lot of portrait photography. No one wants to volunteer for it and I don’t really have a lot of contacts…so it’s mostly nature, landscapes, urban photography for me.

I’m sorry if this did sound a bit selfish. I’m pretty sure it came across that way. It wasn’t my intentions at all though. It’s just that I (and a lot of other photographers) works our tails off being able to share what they see and experience and it gets pushed to the side for a photo of a 13 year old in her underwear or an “artistic nude” of a mirror shot. It’s really is a bit discouraging.

Anyone have any ideas of how I can get myself and my photos “out there”?

Putting Things Before Him?

It’s been crazy lately. Last week I had both a wedding and a funeral, trying to work out my school and work schedule to work in some work-out time. Maybe it sounds selfish, but I really want to lose this weight. It’s driving me insane. I’ve gained 30lbs since about October…and I’m doing all I can just to keep it level..ick.

Speaking of which…I feel like I’ve been putting a lot of things before my spiritual life. Nothing I want to get into too great detail over online, but let me put it this way: I’ve been really selfish and things aren’t prioritized like they should be. I’m horrible at getting all wrapped in all the things I need to be doing and my own life that I forget about what’s more important: others and God.

I was at a point where I felt like I was making a difference in people’s lives…but now…now it’s just all about me. I just don’t feel like I’m doing anything I should be doing. I feel almost…lost…in a sense.

I try to pray about it, but I sometimes feel it’s in vain because of certain things (again, that I’m not sharing) and I’m a bit ashamed to be praying because I feel like such a hypocrite sometimes. I do want to get things fixed; I guess I’m just having trouble finding the right way of going about it.

Updates + Prayer Request

I haven’t been able to update as I want to because first of all I just haven’t had time to. I’ve been studying hard for finals and my compass (a placement test to see if I can leave remedial math — I can by the way lol). And secondly I haven’t been able to take pictures (because of the before mentioned lack of time but also lack of inspiration it stinks). It’s insane. I’m dying to take photos…and nothing comes out when I finally do have time. Oh well, hopefully I’ll leave this slump soon.

I do have a favor to ask. Please pray for my aunt who is in the hospital. She has an enlarged heart and her brain is swelling (and they have found bleeding). I think initially it was because of a clot in her brain that she had to go to the hospital…but of course her heart isn’t working properly either. She’s been unconscious and on life support since Wednesday and the chances of her coming out of this are slim.

If you guys could just please pray for her and her family (her husband and 8 y/o son)…and possibly even ask others to pray for her I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks.